Some people are simply more resilient than others. Whether it’s genetics or something they learned growing up, we all know of someone who takes challenges in strides, shrugs off disappointment and perseveres in the face of stress.

If you happen to be someone who is less resilient (you find yourself dwelling on problems, feeling overwhelmed or having trouble coping with stress) — know that you’re not alone. Also know that there’s good news! There are many things you can do to build your resiliency. It may take time but eventually, you can feel confident in your strengths and abilities, manage your emotions and handle stressful situations in healthy ways.


Here are our top 10 tips for building resiliency:


1. Think of stressful situations as temporary. You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you perceive these events and the way you respond to them. Try to picture several weeks or months into the future when the stressful event or crisis has passed. Are things really that bad? In most cases, probably not.

2. Accept that change is a part of living. Things change around and within us all the time. Try to accept change will happen and focus on the ways the new circumstances could be positive.

3. Identify realistic goals. Set regular goals — even if they seem like small accomplishments. This will give you motivation to work toward bigger goals. To do this, ask yourself each day what you can accomplish today that will help you move in the general direction of where you want to go.

4. Take action. If a stressful or adverse situation occurs, don’t isolate yourself or detach from the problem and hope it goes away. Think about what you can do to make the situation better and the effective action you can take as soon as possible.

5. Learn from experience. There is potential for us to learn from every experience we go through — positive and negative. When going through a difficult time, think of how you’ve coped with hardships in the past. Try writing down what happened and how you solved a the situation. This exercise can help you identify what skills and strategies were helpful and that you should use again.

6. Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very stressful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion by reminding yourself that it will pass. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a few months or a year from now?”

7. Make every day meaningful. Do something each day that gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Try setting goals in the morning right after breakfast. Doing so can help you feel motivated and productive — a great feeling at the beginning of a new day!

8. Be proactive. Don’t ignore your problems. As hard as it can be to do, addressing situations head on will help you feel much better in the end. Know that whatever the setback or difficult situation is, it will improve if you create a plan and start taking action.

9. Make social connections. Whenever you’re dealing with a problem, it is important to have people who can offer support. Talking about the challenges you are facing can be an excellent way to gain perspective, look for new solutions, express your emotions and problem solve.

10. Take care of yourself. No matter what you’re going through, it’s important to have love and respect for yourself. If you’ve made a mistake or done something wrong, don’t beat yourself up. Try and think about your past successes or situations where you’ve done the right thing. You may want to try some stress management and relaxation techniques such as a yoga or meditation class or deep breathing. At least make sure that you’re eating regular meals and getting enough sleep.

What has helped you become more resilient? Share your tips in the comment section below!

Last week we posted some tips on handling feelings of anger. Along with those immediate coping mechanisms, it’s also worthwhile to consider some longer-term solutions for managing anger.

Here are some things you might want to try if you’ve been feeling a lot of intense anger.

• Explore what is making you angry. Is it something you have control over or not? If your anger is related to school, keep in mind that we all have different academic abilities, but are there are things that can help you reach your goals. Connecting with Tutoring Services, talking with your instructor, developing good time management or maybe even reducing your course load may help.

• Learn your triggers. What tends to set off your anger? Do you find you are quick to anger when you are feeling time pressured, when you feel like things are unfair, when you don’t understand something, when you hear about situations of injustice or when you are feeling guilty or shameful about something. Knowing what might trigger your anger will help you prepare for it.
• Learn your warning signs. This could include a racing heart, clenching your jaw or just feeling tense. Whatever your warning signs are, try to identify what it is you feel right before your anger comes on so you can learn to manage your anger before it escalates out of control.
• Have an anger management plan. Come up with a clear plan you can put into action if your anger starts to escalate. Your plan might be as simple as 3 steps – step 1 leave the situation, step 2 take 10 deep breaths and step 3 think about something else. Other parts of your plan may involve things such as relaxation strategies to help you feel calmer or regular eating, sleeping and exercise. Let’s face it, we all cope better when we’ve moved our bodies around, eaten a good meal and had a good night’s sleep.

Chronic anger or irritability combined with other symptoms can be associated with other mental health conditions, like depression and anxiety. If you have any concerns that you might be struggling with one of these things, you may want to book an appointment with one of counsellors in Counselling and Accessibility Services.

People’s experiences with grief don’t follow orderly or predictable stages. Each of us copes with loss in our unique way and our grieving changes over time.

Sometimes our “own way” of grieving doesn’t always work and we can find ourselves overwhelmed. There are things we can do to help us work through our grief when this happens.

• Journaling
  Expressing our feelings to other people can be really hard, especially about something so personal as going through a loss. Writing about our feelings is much easier because it’s private. We don’t have to share what we write if we don’t want to.

Buy yourself a notebook that will fit in your purse or backpack. When you’re feeling some emotion bubbling up, get out your notebook and write whatever comes to mind — a letter, poem, words, random facts about the day. Many people are surprised at what comes out when they sit down to write and how therapeutic this exercise is.
• Meditation
  Find yourself a quiet and comfortable place where you can be alone with your thoughts for about ten minutes. Sit quietly or listen to your favourite music. Let your mind go and see where it leads you. It’s OK to cry or feel emotional. You’re working through the grief.
• Join a support group
  How many times have you wished you could talk to someone who would understand? Support groups are a great way to connect with people who can relate to what you’re going through. If you don’t want to commit to attending meetings, online support groups such as onlinegriefsupport.com are also a good option.
• Talking about it
  When you feel ready, open up to someone you trust. This may be your best friend, partner or classmate, or it may be a counsellor.

Allowing yourself time to grieve is very important for your overall mental health. If you want to talk to someone about what you’re going through, you can meet with one of the counsellors in Counselling and Accessibility Services. To book an appointment, complete the online intake form.

Photo credit: Nolan Bicknell

Red River College student Kieran Moolchan is open and honest about his mental health struggles. In fact, he bravely told the whole world about his experiences with depression and contemplating suicide on his blog.

“I wanted to help breakdown stigma but I was also reaching out for help,” said Kieran. “I poured my heart out and with one click — I told everyone what was really going on with me.”

The beginning of a long-road

After going public on the Internet with his struggles in August, Kieran received an outpouring of support from friends, acquaintances, college instructors and even people he’d never met. At that time, he decided to seek help from a psychologist and began taking anti-depressants for depression.

Over the next few months, Kieran experienced many ups and downs. Eventually, he was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder — a condition that involves feeling ‘up’ for several weeks at a time and then crashing and feeling extremely low.

In January, Kieran began having suicidal thoughts again and turned to his blog to express how he was feeling. He wrote about how close he had come yet again to taking his own life and about the stigma people with mental illnesses face — a blog post that would receive more than 100,000 views.

Getting help

About a month later, Kieran spent some time at the Mental Health Crisis Response Centre at the Health Sciences Centre. It was there that it began to sink in that his mental illness was not his fault.

“I finally accepted that I wasn’t a personal failure for feeling the way I did,” said Kieran. “It sunk in that I don’t have control over the chemicals in my body. I also learned that the best thing I can do is come up with plans and that I need to rely on other people to help me make and stick to those plans.”

One day at a time

It’s been several months since Kieran’s visit to the Mental Health Crisis Response Centre and he is making and sticking to his plans. He’s also involving friends to help him stay accountable.

“If I want to go for a run, I’ll phone someone to go with me. If I feel like playing video games for an hour, I’ll text someone to see if they want to join me online. It doesn’t really matter what it is that I’m doing, as long as I commit to it, I’ll feel a sense of accomplishment, which helps with my mood and maintaining a positive outlook.”

And blogging?

He’s still at it — check out his latest posts at kieranmoolchan.com

Lauren MacLean is president of the Red River College Students’ Association. She is completing her second year of Business Administration with an accounting major. After receiving her RRC diploma she plans to continue her studies towards a Commerce degree. 

School is enough to stress anyone out, particularly at a fast-paced applied institution like Red River College.

In my program, Business Administration, we take six classes at a time. So when I decided to run to be the VP External of the Red River College Students’ Association (RRCSA) in February of my first year, it wasn’t an easy decision. I knew things were going to be intense and I wasn’t sure if I could do it, so I turned to my personal supports for advice.

I asked my parents, grandparents, sister, teachers, the VP External at the time and my friends what they thought. I received contrasting advice at times, everything from that they thought I would be fabulous at the job to others saying it was too much for me and that I would likely quit early.

In the end, I decided to go for it. After receiving the great news that I was voted in, I extended my program and delayed my graduation by one year so I could work with the RRCSA. I was so nervous and scared that going into my first term I was half-expecting my marks to tank and to have to resign. I figured I would be overwhelmed with responsibilities that I would collapse into a teary mess.

Then, on May 1, 2013 when it actually came time for me to step into the role, I was soaring! Each day got better and better as I launched projects with my team and flew around the country representing the RRCSA at conferences. It was like a light came on and I immediately understood what it meant to be driven, want to give back and thrive under pressure.

Then school hit, and man the pressure on! I went from having time to work on things, to having lightning-fast deadlines. Right before winter break hit was the most difficult time as I was attempting to tie up what felt like hundreds of loose ends before everyone left. December was the worst month I’d had in a long time.

But the funny thing is, I never once considered quitting. It’s like that option didn’t exist. I simply didn’t want or need an exit, no matter how hard things got. Through the all-nighters, massive projects and tight deadlines, I was still having fun! My support network was growing and soon my stress level became more manageable, which gave me the confidence to continue on.

This experience is what gave me the strength to run for President this year. Believe me, this position is a whole other beast, but every day I’m reminded of how many amazing people work and go to school at RRC. There’s simply no challenge I wouldn’t take on for these people, especially because I know I’m not in this alone. When the going gets tough, I’m not afraid or ashamed to turn to my support network to help get me through.

Many students find studying and writing exams very stressful. So you’re certainly are not alone if that’s you.

In fact, it’s very normal to feel anxiety about only having a certain amount of time to answer a bunch of tough questions — who wouldn’t!

Depending on your situation, you may be able to get extra time to write exams as well as other accommodations through Exam Services. For example, if you have a diagnosed disability or you experience significant test anxiety then you could be eligible. The first step to finding out if you’re eligible is to schedule an appointment with a counsellor by filling out the online intake form.

If you’re approved for exam accommodations, the next step is to speak with someone in exam accommodations to schedule your exam(s). This must be done at least seven days before your exam.

If you find out you don’t meet the eligibility for exam accommodations, there are still things you can do to help reduce your stress levels around exams. Here are just a few of them:

• deep breathing
• positive thinking
• taking a study-break to listen to music
• going to bed early the night before an exam
• eating regular meals (even if you don’t feel like eating, make sure to get some food in your system before writing a test or exam).

Want more tips? Check out this article on overcoming test anxiety.

https://www.ted.com/talks/kevin_breel_confessions_of_a_depressed_comic#t-49611

Kevin Breel is a comic. He also happens to have depression. These seemly contradictory characteristics make him who he is — engaging, real and unapologetic when it comes to talking about his mental illness.

Check out his TED talk above for an interesting look into the mind of this pretty amazing young person.

Red River College grad, Kyle Goertzen dealt with substance abuse most of his life. Sober for more than three years now, he works at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba, Tamarack Recovery Centre and Two Ten Recovery. He is also on the Canadian Mental Health Association Winnipeg’s Speakers Bureau and completing his bachelor of social work through the University of Manitoba.

Red River College Applied Counselling graduate, Kyle Goertzen works three jobs, volunteers and mentors young people trying to get sober. He’s positive, driven, smart and funny. But it was a long, difficult road getting here — to a place where he’s happy and comfortable being himself.

Addiction

At 13-years-old, Kyle had his first sip of alcohol. By 15, Kyle was regularly drinking and smoking pot and by 18, he was addicted to cocaine. As his drinking and drug use continued into his late teens and twenties, his family and friends urged him to get help. But like many people struggling with addiction, Kyle was very good at hiding just how deep his problem was, even from himself.

“It’s kind of like B.O. — you’re the last one to know or think you have a problem,” says Kyle. “I convinced myself that everything was fine because I could hold it together for a week, but then I’d try having one drink on the weekend and everything would spiral out of control. It would turn into a five-day-long binge.”

Eventually, Kyle recognized he had a problem with drugs and alcohol, but he still wasn’t ready to do anything about it. In the grips of his addiction, Kyle lied, stole and manipulated his way through life. Everything from school to his relationships took a backseat to getting alcohol and drugs. At his worst, he would think about all the things his peers were doing — dating, going to school, working — and felt completely alone and depressed.

“I became a recluse because inside, I was ashamed of what I was doing. I wouldn’t go out and drink with friends, instead, I’d grab as much booze and drugs as I could and sit in the basement by myself. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but at that point I didn’t care.”

Hitting rock-bottom

Things came to a head when Kyle was arrested for drinking and driving a stolen vehicle. His parents were desperate for him to get help, but they were also exhausted with his behaviour and out of ideas about what to do. So, they refused to bail him out. Kyle spent the next four months in jail, which turned out to be the wake-up call he needed to start turning his life around.

“Laying on the floor of my cell, I had an epiphany. I was 25, in jail and going through withdrawal. I just remember thinking, “I’m done”. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I was the problem and I couldn’t blame anyone else. I promised myself that once I got out of there, I was going to do something about my behaviour.”

Recovery

That something turned out to be a fourth stint in rehab, but this time, with a mindset that getting sober was the only option. For 60 days Kyle did everything from group therapy to counselling and this time — he did it for himself. From learning about addiction and mental health issues to participating in a 12-step program, it was a completely different experience – especially after meeting the person who would become his mentor.

“I found someone I could relate to and connect with who had been through something similar. The instant I felt the connection, I knew I was in the right place. I thought, if this person can stay sober for 10 years, then I can do it too. That’s what really did it for me.”

With the support of his recovery team including his parents, Kyle has made a lot of changes to his life. He went on antidepressants for a year to stabilize his moods, chooses to only surround himself with people supportive of him staying sober and continues to work at the 12-step program daily. Kyle’s been sober for more than three years now and is enjoying life and using his story to help others.

“The happiness that I feel now…I can’t even describe it. I feel better than I ever have. I’m sober and I’ve found my purpose — helping other people get sober. Seeing the light come back in their eyes is simply amazing.”

Think you might be struggling with substance abuse?

Complete the online intake form to book an appointment with a counsellor in Counselling and Accessibility Services or visit the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba website for more information.

When starting a relationship or friendship with a person diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), it’s important to know that while their condition may present some challenges, the rewards of having them in our life can also be great! So don’t get caught up in labels. Instead, educate yourself about ASD so you can be there for your new friend or partner.

Characteristics
Some common traits of a person diagnosed with ASD include high levels of creativity, attention to detail and unconventional problem solving. Other, sometimes challenging traits include communication difficulties, difficulty with social interaction and restrictive or repetitive interests or behaviours. Additionally, many individuals with ASD have reported some sensory issues, including hypersensitivity to touch, taste and smell, light or sound.

Myth-buster
It is a misconception that people diagnosed with Autism don’t want intimacy or connection. Fostering relationships is a need that exists for many of us, including people living within the spectrum of ASD!

Learn more
There are many helpful resources online if you want to understand the lives of people who identify as having ASD better.

Asperger Manitoba is one local site that provides a wealth of information. You can also look to blogs for candid information about the lives of people with ASD such as musingsofanaspie.com.

Red River College is home to many international students as well as students who have immigrated from countries around the world.

Being new to Canada and adapting to a new culture and school system, can bring on unique challenges. For example, if English isn’t your first language, you may be finding it difficult to communicate with others and make friends. If you’re living on your own for the first time, you may be feeling lonely or isolated at times.

Getting involved at RRC

Diversity and Intercultural Services is one area of the college that can help you adjust to life in Canada and at RRC. The Diversity Centre at the Notre Dame Campus is a great place to meet other immigrant and international students.

“The centre is often referred to as “a home away from home,” said Lauren Konrad, student integration coordinator. “Students experiencing similar parts of student life often meet there and hang out. Students also come there to chat with staff and get connected to resources.”

At the Exchange District Campus, the Diversity and Intercultural Services office located in the Massey Building is a place you can go to visit with staff, sign up for programs and get connected to different resources.

Your mental health is important

It’s important to know that there are also resources available if you’re feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed or not quite yourself. The mental health conversation may not be happening in the same way in all parts of the world, but in Canada and at RRC, good mental health is a top priority. You should never feel scared or ashamed to tell someone if you think you might be struggling with a mental health issue.

Let your student integration coordinator know if you think you might want to talk to someone about how you’ve been feeling. You can also contact Counselling and Accessibility Services directly by completing the online intake form.

Here are some supports and resources for immigrant and international students:

• RRC’s Language Training Centre
  While attending RRC’s Language Training Centre (LTC), you will learn English language skills, interact with other students and explore RRC’s many different career programs. To discuss career programs and adjusting to life in Winnipeg, contact Jillian Hoogland, student integration coordinator, at 204-945-8776 or by email at jhoogland@rrc.ca.

You can also arrange to meet with a counsellor at the LTC to discuss any difficulties you may be going through. To make a counselling appointment, please contact Vidhu Bhanot, counsellor, at 204-945-8774 or email at vbhanot@rrc.ca.
• Manitoba Start
  Provides settlement, language, and employment supports to newcomers, free of charge.

• Immigrant Centre

  Assists new immigrants with connecting and integrating in Canadian Society through a variety of programs and services.
• Needs Centre

  Provides services and supports such as mentorship, after-school programming and employment skills training to refugee children and youth, and their families.
• Mount Carmel Clinic

  A community health care centre serving the North End and Point Douglas areas.
• West Central Women’s Resource Centre
  
Provides programs and services such as child-minding, mentorship and immigrant settlement services to primarily women living in and around West Central Winnipeg.